Decisions, decisions…


It’s been many moons since I last wrote here! I’m keen to share with you a couple of lessons I’ve learned in the time I’ve been engaged. (For some reason that’s popular these days).

Most people have heard of having boundaries in relationships-You know, some kind of “thus far and no further” policy for physical contact. For christians, this seems to be no sex. However, if ‘No sex’ and no further is your policy, you’re in for a bit of confusion. For example, I’ve seen tickling matches working out pretty badly; For some, back massages can be extremely sensuous experiences; Indeed there have been times for me when even hand holding was pushing it, because I had so little self control. I’m not advocating saving hand holding until marriage 😛 . What I am advocating is a little bit of thought.

See, the issue that I’ve had to confront is not the action itself, but the attitude. Typical, huh? Keeping sex until marriage has been saving the best until last-keeping my future marriage special. Any little step closer to sex therefore, could be said to be taking away from the specialness of marriage. Just as I wouldn’t conceive of having an adulterous affair when I’m married, I shouldn’t be able to conceive of doing anything to violate the specialness of my future marriage now. If nothing else, “why am I doing this?” and “why am I thinking about this?” can be enough to derail unhelpful trains of thought/courses of action.

Sex, or “almost sex” doesn’t just happen. Sex is a course of action which results from a series of decisions.

Purity doesn’t just happen. It is a course of action which results from a series of decisions.

Final challenge: If you’re not going to value marriage as special and somehow distinct from other relationship statuses, what’s the point in getting married? Would you spend $20,000 on the big day if the day after will be exactly the same as the day before? Would you vow ” ’til death do us part” if you have divorce as plan B?

No matter what we do in life, occasionally asking “is this worth it?” is never a waste of time.

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